An Open Letter to Hollywood

Dear [Insert Crazy "Celebrity" Name Here]:

I would like to start off my letter by saying you're stupid. I'm sorry, it's the truth. You ARE stupid. I don't think it's the actions so much, as it is what you think will happen because of said actions. Actually, no -- it's the actions, too. Let's formulate a couple of "If A then B scenarios" to help you grasp the concept. I'll start off easy:

* If you shave your head, you will be bald
* If you don't shower, you will smell
* If you don't eat, people will think you are anorexic
* If you drink too much, you will be drunk
* If you drive while drunk and get caught, you will be arrested

I'm just covering the basics of the headlines I see EVERY week. You think you would catch on? Fake Hollywood rehab where you can meet your next baby's mama or papa doesn't count as real therapy -- you need it, go get some. The next time you want to go out the club for some photo ops -- hire a freaking driver! I know you can afford it. Try buying one less diamond necklace for your dog, it'll cover it. And finally, if you decide to ignore all my sane advice -- deal with the consequences. Trust me, they would be a lot worse for the average citizen.

I know some of you out there are actually intelligent, generous and talented people, but unfortunately you're being brought down by the dumb ones. Maybe it's time for a backlash?

Sincerely,
Concerned Average Jane